Way Deep into Nothing Special

Last week I wrote a column about disciplining children by giving them a time out. For a few readers, notably my closest friends, the word time struck an odd chord. Walter, a Miami resident and long time Bob Dylan fan, kicked things off by mentioning Time Out of Mind, a 1967 Dylan composition. Everything went downhill from there. Paul, two Mikes and I spent last Friday afternoon exchanging song titles with the word time in them. Great fun until I had this thought: A line from a Steely Dan song, without the word time in it, provided an accurate description for our little game and, not coincidentally, the way I spend too much of my time. “I’m way deep into nothing special” is the line.
Does “way deep into nothing special” in any way describe you? If your big plans for this weekend are watching the AFC and NFC championship games, you’re way deep into nothing special. For the record, I’ll be watching the Eagles and the Cardinals. If seeing Valkyrie with Tom Cruise is a top priority for you you’re way, way deep into nothing special. Jerry Seinfeld built an extraordinary sitcom on the idea that nothing is something. Jerry, George, Elaine and Kramer were the pluperfect role models for being way deep into nothing special.
With the New Year already under way is it too late to set some meaningful goals that might get me way deep into something special? Certainly I set goals every year. Some of them aren’t completely self-centered either. Not that it matters. I took a look at last year’s goals the other day. Let me put it to you this way: If you were grading the results like a final exam in say, geology, I’d be studying rocks again this year.
I’m reminded of the Nationwide commercial, “Life comes at you fast…” Indeed it does. It comes at you so fast that just keeping track of our goals is an Olympic level event. Do you ever feel that life is mostly about distractions? For me it’s not just the toys I have or concerns about job, money, relationships, health and so on. While weighty matters like these can certainly keep anyone from focusing on their goals, as distractions, they pale compared to some of the things that I worry about daily.
I’m perplexed for example by the way drug companies come up with idiotic brand names like Cymbalta, Plavix and Enbrel that describe neither the condition nor the cure. And there are so many prescription drugs being advertised on TV every night, that I have no idea of what to ask my doctor for when I have a problem. Suppose I ask for Cymbalta for asthma when I really meant Advair? Will the doctor know I have confused one drug name for the other or will she see that as a symptom that I really am depressed?
I also find it very distracting when characters on shows like Law and Order politely take turns talking. If there are five people standing in the captain’s office, each one says something in turn until its time for a Cialis commercial. Even more unbelievable, each character has something important to add. In real life only two people out of the five standing around in an office will actually have anything to say. And there’s only a 50/50 chance that either one of them says something useful. I can distinctly remember the last time I said something worthwhile in a meeting. It was March 12, 1978. I said, “Why don’t we break for lunch.” It’s not that I don’t try to work on the goals I set. The other day I sat down in front of the TV and began to prepare a business plan that would make hundreds if not thousands of people rich. The idea was pure inspiration, one in a million. No sooner did I pick up my pen when the phone rang. It was my boss, another distraction. He wanted to know where we were on signing an agreement with a very important prospect. I filled him in and went back to my project. For some reason I couldn’t find my pen. Then my Blackberry pinged. An email, something I can’t resist. It was one of the Mikes. He had looked through his voluminous vinyl album collection and found another song with time in the title. To head off any more distracting emails, I called him. Now, about my brilliant idea, what was it exactly? Maybe later. Right now I’m way deep into nothing special. Care to join me?

Copyright 2009 Len Serafino. All rights reserved.