The Fortune Cookie Incident

My friend John, who lives in a suburb of Tacoma Washington, wrote me today to suggest I write about fortune cookies. Thanks for the suggestion John. After five plus years of writing the Observer I need all the help I can get. What got John interested in the subject stems from his recent lunch with a customer at a Chinese buffet. Like most of us, I’m sure John looked forward to getting his fortune cookie along with the bill at the end of the meal. Much to his chagrin however, both fortune cookies contained typos! As Barry McGuire sang, surely we’re on the eve of destruction now. One fortune read, “Good things are coming to you in due of time.” The other one said, “Watch your relations without other people carefully, he reserved.” There is an extra word in the first fortune and two wrong words in the second one, embarrassing I know. John probably felt if the Chinese, whose century may be upon us, are getting sloppy, perhaps everything is lost. He went on to question why we should assume that the Chinese are so knowledgeable. Even if the fortunes are spelled right they tend to be vague. And the cookie itself is by no means a better dessert than say, chocolate ice cream, not to mention chocolate pudding. I’m sure a few of you are way ahead of me here. The Chinese fortune cookie is an American invention. The Chinese don’t even serve or eat them in China. In fact, twenty years ago attempts were made to sell fortune cookies in China but the concept was rejected as too American. According to Wikipedia there are approximately 3 billion fortune cookies made each year, most of them consumed right here in the good old USA. The largest manufacturer of the cookies is Wonton Food Inc., headquartered in Brooklyn. Not that any of this should spoil the fun of breaking open a fortune cookie and reading the slip of paper tucked inside. Just for that moment, don’t we all secretly hope we are about to be treated to a useful insight that changes our life’s direction or a prediction that we are about to enjoy unparalleled success, unbridled joy or unlimited power? Yes, the actual fortune is often trite and disappointing but so what? The delicious anticipation, however brief or mindless it may be, keeps us coming back for more. Admit it, when the waiter left an extra cookie the last time you were at your favorite Chinese restaurant, you seized it before anyone else could act on the impulse and treated yourself to an extra banality, didn’t you? And never mind the fortune, should you actually eat the fortune cookie? There is a healthy debate about whether one should eat the whole cookie, part of the cookie or not eat it at all. Is it okay to pick your own cookie? Should you ever touch someone else’s fortune cookie? Do you eat the cookie first or read the fortune first? There don’t appear to be any hard and fast rules about these matters but there are lots of opinions. Eating the whole cookie might be necessary if you want your fortune to come true, for example. On the other hand, eating any part of the cookie or too little or too much of the cookie, could mean a wasted fortune. Some people believe you have to get the tiny slip of paper out without breaking the cookie or you won’t get that promotion the fortune promised. I can’t imagine how people with thick fingers would have any chance to benefit from ancient wisdom if that’s the rule. It’s hard enough to manage a pair of chopsticks. Of course if I find a way to get the fortune out using chopsticks would my good fortune multiply? It’s exhausting just thinking about these things. I wish those Chinese-American fortunes my friend John got the other day, probably printed and stuffed in the exotic Far East location of Brooklyn, had been checked more carefully by the quality assurance staff. In my research though, I did find one Chinese fortune I liked. I hope John gets it the next time he dines at his favorite Chinese buffet: You should pay for this check…be generous. Copyright Len Serafino, 2012. All rights reserved.

Tennis Players: We’re a Different Breed

The French Open, one of tennis’s major championships each year, is nearing the final rounds. This one’s claim to fame, aside from being played in Paris, is the red clay courts. Watching the power, speed and unfathomable shot making of seeded and unseeded players alike, I found myself thinking about the game and club level play. I’ve been playing tennis now for seven years, not long actually. Unlike my golf game which I gave up for tennis, I occasionally see some improvement. One of the beauties of the game is that older people can play it and in some cases, play with considerable skill. While games like basketball, baseball and football are meant to be watched after a certain age, tennis is a game you can play with gusto even as an octogenarian. Yes, golf is another game you can play well into your later years and for those who enjoy chasing a little white sphere through all corners of manicured parks I say, hit ‘em straight. For me nothing is more exhilarating than a good tennis match even if I’m not very good. Tennis players I think are a different breed. There is a good deal of camaraderie on the court between games, especially in doubles. Yet, once the server sends the yellow ball over the net, the battle is on. For my money, tennis may be the last game where combatants who face off against each other, manage to remain civil at all times. Civility is integral to the game and it’s evident at all levels of play from the pros to club level. Players don’t scream at each other. The chair umpire is highly unlikely to be called upon to break up a fistfight between the players. That’s not to say that I would mind seeing a fight break out between say, Jimmy Connors and John McEnroe just for old time’s sake. Of course, tennis players can be a bit quirky. It’s rare for players to brag about an incredible backhand. Few players will gloat over wiping the floor with an opponent 6-0, 6-0. But there is a tendency to brag about how much your knees are killing you or the tennis elbow you’ve been playing through for eleven years. My favorite opponent, by the way is the one who starts the match by informing me he is playing with only one knee and forgot his prescription glasses, so would I please go easy on him. I like this guy because I know I can relax. I am about to get a colorful, stiff beating. The guys who are really good at this (or sadistic if you will) are the ones who let you take the first game or two, actually hitting the ball as if the object of the game was to hit the ball into the net on two bounces. Just as you begin to feel sorry for him, he suddenly starts hitting miraculous passing shots. By the time you adjust, the match is over and he’s having a cigarette. It’s common too for players to prescribe remedies for various ailments. Over the years I’ve learned that a shot of cortisone is a complete and total cure for tennis elbow. On the other hand I’ve also learned that cortisone is useless and may cause me to see three balls coming at me instead of the usual two I see after hydrating with Jack Daniels instead of water. And don’t get into a discussion about the wonders of Aleve with anybody. You can spot the players who have crossed over from tennis enthusiast to a warped, obsessive compulsive tennis disorder by the way the OCD player talks about Aleve as a dietary supplement. One thing that is different about tennis players versus golfers is I have never met a tennis player who secretly thinks he could be on the professional tour. Some golfers will suggest that if they had more time to hone their game, they could be on the tour, at least the senior tour. Tennis players don’t suffer such delusions about their game. For one thing most players peak before they reach 25. For another, when you’re playing mixed doubles and a 50 something woman who just took the game up three weeks ago cleans your clock, perspective dawns easily. If you’ve never picked up a tennis racquet, I encourage you to do so. You can’t beat the exercise and you cannot help but meet interesting, kind and encouraging people who want nothing more than to ace you on their next serve. Copyright 2012, Len Serafino. All rights reserved.