Time Out

Do you put your kids in “time out” when they misbehave? Lot’s of people do these days but it’s a relatively new concept. Baby boomers weren’t raised that way. And, from an informal but thoroughly rigorous scientific survey I conducted of three of my friends, not many baby boomers handled problems with their kids by declaring a time out either.
When I was a child there were two kinds of punishment for getting out of line. One was a stiff beating (okay a good swat on my behind) and the other was loss of privileges that lasted days or even weeks and certainly not just minutes. I suppose child rearing experts will be quick to point out that violence merely begets violence. That spanking a child that has just deliberately poured chocolate milk all over his little sister’s dress solves nothing. Children will only understand that it was wrong to do that if they are placed in time out.
No doubt, the experts can site readily available examples of the violence baby boomers inflict, constantly smacking each other at Starbucks when yet another patron slips into their place in line when they weren’t looking. Just the other day, I paddled a 49 year old man for touching an electrical outlet after I told him it was dangerous to do so. That he was an electrician didn’t matter. I had been paddled myself for doing that very thing when I was four years old. If only my parents had put me in time out instead of swatting me, I wouldn’t be facing an assault and battery charge.
Now I will be the first to admit that my parents also used the time honored three-count to achieve behavior modification. I did it with my children too. It worked because everyone understood completely that if things hadn’t changed by the time the three was spoken, swift retribution was definitely in store. I’ve seen today’s parents use the three count but somehow through the years, reaching number three only leads to a recount or, in some cases, an extended count. I think the record, which will soon be published in the Guinness Book of Records, is 1,109, by which time an eight year old had driven off with the family car. He probably didn’t even hear any of the numbers after 12.
Putting a child in time out is so silly that even a three year old knows it. I have seen the looks on their faces when they hear the words “time out.” It’s a license to do exactly as they please. One reason time out doesn’t seem to faze them is they know that if mommy actually puts them on the couch, they have two excellent options. One would be to watch television, which is conveniently tuned to cartoons. These are the same cartoons the child momentarily forgot about when she decided to see if her doll would fit in the garbage disposal. The other option (in the event that Meet the Press is on) is to cry. Loud crying works every time. Mommy will say, “Do you promise not to do that again? Say you’re sorry to your doll.” The actual length of the time out would be about 16 seconds.
Disciplining a child is never an easy thing. Although I have to tell you that a friend told my wife and I that when her kids asked her why she spanked them when they were little, she smiled and said, “Because it gave me pleasure,” a universal truth that many parents will identify with immediately. Still, she was a terrific mom apparently. Her children all live nearby and they call her every day to make sure she is doing alright. Obviously, she did something right.
Parents with young children will read this and say, “As much as I hate to admit it, time out doesn’t work that well. But I don’t believe in corporal punishment. What are my options?” That’s a fair question. Punishment is more complicated than it was years ago. My mother could refuse to let me watch TV, or play the radio. By the time today’s parents get through the list of things their kids have to do without; the TV, the laptop, cell phone, i-Pod, Guitar Hero and so on, they can’t even remember what they were punishing the kids for. Something new and different is required. How about this: Refuse to do their homework for them for a whole week. Think of it as a time out for parents.

Copyright 2009 Len Serafino. All rights reserved.