Are You Hiding Something Honey?

Call me naïve, but I was shocked to learn recently that husbands and wives hide money from each other. Okay, the idea itself isn’t really that surprising. Money makes us crazy. But, did you know that an astounding 71% of us squirrel away money behind our spouses’ backs? Yes, says Money magazine which surveyed 1,001 men and women a while back. That’s huge.
Lately, I’ve been asking friends if they have ever hidden a few bucks from their better half. One brave woman told me, sheepishly perhaps, that at that very moment she had $700 hidden in the pocket of a fur coat that was permanently hibernating in her closet. When I think about how much money I could have socked away over the thirty plus years I’ve been married I’m nearly heartbroken.
Using a simple back of the envelope calculation, I estimate I could have at least a million bucks stashed between the pages of books, behind a filing cabinet or under my Jack Daniel’s barrel. What I could do with that money now. I wonder if my wife has a few million put away that she hasn’t mentioned. Just kidding, in fact here’s a full disclosure: When I heard about spouses hiding money I started doing it immediately. My wife, who could be a genuine CSI, found my stash in just 32 minutes. And, after editing this piece for me, she informed me that PricewaterhouseCoopers would soon be performing a full blown audit of the Len Fund.
Considering how many of us do secret cash, I’m surprised that banks haven’t developed programs to help us hide the dough and put it to good use in the bargain. I suppose it would be hard to keep secrets if the money was earning interest. I have no idea how I would explain a bank statement to my wife showing that I earned thousands of dollars in interest on money she didn’t know existed. Of course we could decide to file separate tax returns. But then there’s the CSI thing.
What do people actually do with the tens and twenties they hide? Maybe they use it for guilty pleasures like betting on the Super Bowl or buying a pair of scandalously expensive shoes. Of course with the economic mess we’re in, maybe the shoes can wait. And what is it that compels us to hide money in the first place? Maybe it’s simple human nature. Like squirrels hiding nuts for winter, we’re compelled to store up cash even if it’s a symbolic gesture. In our grandparents’ day, money was very scarce, given the depression and all. Afraid of banks, they hid money in plain sight in the old coffee can in case of a rainy day. Our parents probably followed suit and squirreled away loose change and a bit of paper money under the mattress. If Mama did it she must have had a reason.
Our motives are different today. Sadly, marriages don’t always last the way they did in times past. Some people hide cash because they aren’t sure about the future of their relationship. I believe the reasons are benign in the majority of cases though. The woman with the $700 in the fur coat told me she might want to splurge a little without having to justify her actions to her husband. She admitted that she might just slip a few extra dollars into the hands of one of her children from time to time. I’m sure many women can easily identify with that.
Regardless of motive, statistics don’t lie. There is a very good chance there is cash somewhere in your home that you don’t know about. I’m not trying to cause trouble, but isn’t a treasure hunt in order? Look at it this way. If you find, say $1,500, wouldn’t that really come in handy? When you combine it with the $1,800 you have stashed away, you could surprise your spouse with new drapes for the sunroom or a wide screen TV, depending on which one of you finds the Benjamins first.
Now before you start your treasure hunt let me save you some time. If you Google “where to hide money” you’ll get plenty of ideas about where to look. By the way, don’t overlook the freezer. Now if you do a thorough search and don’t find anything don’t panic. Show this column to your loved one and say something like, “Who would ever have thought people did such things?” Trust me planting that little seed will bear fruit. A year from now you’ll be measuring the windows for drapes.

Copyright 2008 len Serafino. All rights reserved.