Job Interview? I Might be Rusty

I heard from a recruiter the other day who, against all odds, thought I might be a good candidate for a management position with a health care company. Interested in me? I’m at the age now where my resume is far less interesting than my Outlook contacts list.
I’m more than happy to help of course, working on the assumption that those who preceded me may have mentioned my name and given my career a boost. Still, it is flattering to be asked whether I might be interested in an opportunity. Somewhere between age fifty and today, the calls dwindled down to a precious few. I have loads of experience and enough energy to stoke the growth engines of a company on the move, but my hair is gray and no matter what the hair color commercials say, a return to black won’t change the fact that I was in the class of ’70.
Regardless, I got to thinking about how I might handle an interview. I’m a bit rusty and the role of the green, eager beaver on the make is a distant memory. Do interviewers still ask the same questions they were asking ten or fifteen years ago? Some of the questions are bound to trip me up. Interview queries I used to handle with aplomb might turn into a bomb if not handled carefully. Consider some of the time honored questions and responses I might offer having spent six full decades on earth.
“Where would you like to be in five years?”
“Not dead,” comes to mind immediately. It’s honest but probably not what my prospective employer has in mind. Could I keep a straight face if I give the response conventional wisdom demands? “I hope to be in a position with more responsibility once I have proven my ability and added value to the company in my current position.” Chances are I will have already accomplished more than my new and much younger boss has even attempted with 14 months of experience in his current position. Let’s face it, in five years I hope to be still turning down Social Security payments because, having won the Power Ball lottery, my annual annuity is way above the SSA threshold.
“Why are you thinking of changing jobs?” Again the traditional response, “I am seeking a new challenge that will help me to grow…” seems woefully inappropriate. Lately my interests run toward not growing things like tumors and the size of my stomach. The most accurate answer might be, “I’m here because I can’t believe you saw my resume, guessed my age and still asked to meet me.” I have to admit I would be excited if the interviewer turned out to be around my age. Maybe my new boss will be as perplexed as I am about exactly how annuities work. We would have a lot in common I’m sure.
“Tell me about yourself.”
Yikes! “How much time do you have?” Thanks to the natural shrinkage of my frontal lobes, the part of the brain that enables us to edit ourselves, my answer could run long and might include an episode where I called a high level executive an SOB and nearly blew a multi- million dollar deal.
“Tell me about a time when you overcame a serious problem and how you did it.”
“Weren’t you listening? Or didn’t I mention that I hid in my office for two years every time the SOB came to our company for a meeting.”
“Why should we hire you instead of someone else?”
Here again experienced professionals know that this is a good time to reiterate your strengths, accomplishments and burning desire to be part of an outstanding team. At this stage of my life though, I am sorely tempted to say, “How should I know? You’re the one doing the interviews. If you like, I’ll interview the other candidates and give you an assessment.” Of course it’s quite possible that I will come out the winner. If nothing else I’ll be able to answer the interviewer’s query specifically. “You should hire me because the other candidates don’t have enough experience. And I might add I have yet to be indicted for anything.”
“Would you like to have this job?
“Maybe. How far is the restroom from my office?”
“When can you start?”
“Thursday assuming the Power Ball ticket I bought Wednesday is another five bucks down the drain.”

Copyright 2009, Len Serafino. All rights reserved.