The Fortune Cookie Incident

My friend John, who lives in a suburb of Tacoma Washington, wrote me today to suggest I write about fortune cookies. Thanks for the suggestion John. After five plus years of writing the Observer I need all the help I can get. What got John interested in the subject stems from his recent lunch with a customer at a Chinese buffet. Like most of us, I’m sure John looked forward to getting his fortune cookie along with the bill at the end of the meal. Much to his chagrin however, both fortune cookies contained typos! As Barry McGuire sang, surely we’re on the eve of destruction now. One fortune read, “Good things are coming to you in due of time.” The other one said, “Watch your relations without other people carefully, he reserved.” There is an extra word in the first fortune and two wrong words in the second one, embarrassing I know. John probably felt if the Chinese, whose century may be upon us, are getting sloppy, perhaps everything is lost. He went on to question why we should assume that the Chinese are so knowledgeable. Even if the fortunes are spelled right they tend to be vague. And the cookie itself is by no means a better dessert than say, chocolate ice cream, not to mention chocolate pudding. I’m sure a few of you are way ahead of me here. The Chinese fortune cookie is an American invention. The Chinese don’t even serve or eat them in China. In fact, twenty years ago attempts were made to sell fortune cookies in China but the concept was rejected as too American. According to Wikipedia there are approximately 3 billion fortune cookies made each year, most of them consumed right here in the good old USA. The largest manufacturer of the cookies is Wonton Food Inc., headquartered in Brooklyn. Not that any of this should spoil the fun of breaking open a fortune cookie and reading the slip of paper tucked inside. Just for that moment, don’t we all secretly hope we are about to be treated to a useful insight that changes our life’s direction or a prediction that we are about to enjoy unparalleled success, unbridled joy or unlimited power? Yes, the actual fortune is often trite and disappointing but so what? The delicious anticipation, however brief or mindless it may be, keeps us coming back for more. Admit it, when the waiter left an extra cookie the last time you were at your favorite Chinese restaurant, you seized it before anyone else could act on the impulse and treated yourself to an extra banality, didn’t you? And never mind the fortune, should you actually eat the fortune cookie? There is a healthy debate about whether one should eat the whole cookie, part of the cookie or not eat it at all. Is it okay to pick your own cookie? Should you ever touch someone else’s fortune cookie? Do you eat the cookie first or read the fortune first? There don’t appear to be any hard and fast rules about these matters but there are lots of opinions. Eating the whole cookie might be necessary if you want your fortune to come true, for example. On the other hand, eating any part of the cookie or too little or too much of the cookie, could mean a wasted fortune. Some people believe you have to get the tiny slip of paper out without breaking the cookie or you won’t get that promotion the fortune promised. I can’t imagine how people with thick fingers would have any chance to benefit from ancient wisdom if that’s the rule. It’s hard enough to manage a pair of chopsticks. Of course if I find a way to get the fortune out using chopsticks would my good fortune multiply? It’s exhausting just thinking about these things. I wish those Chinese-American fortunes my friend John got the other day, probably printed and stuffed in the exotic Far East location of Brooklyn, had been checked more carefully by the quality assurance staff. In my research though, I did find one Chinese fortune I liked. I hope John gets it the next time he dines at his favorite Chinese buffet: You should pay for this check…be generous. Copyright Len Serafino, 2012. All rights reserved.

Tennis Players: We’re a Different Breed

The French Open, one of tennis’s major championships each year, is nearing the final rounds. This one’s claim to fame, aside from being played in Paris, is the red clay courts. Watching the power, speed and unfathomable shot making of seeded and unseeded players alike, I found myself thinking about the game and club level play. I’ve been playing tennis now for seven years, not long actually. Unlike my golf game which I gave up for tennis, I occasionally see some improvement. One of the beauties of the game is that older people can play it and in some cases, play with considerable skill. While games like basketball, baseball and football are meant to be watched after a certain age, tennis is a game you can play with gusto even as an octogenarian. Yes, golf is another game you can play well into your later years and for those who enjoy chasing a little white sphere through all corners of manicured parks I say, hit ‘em straight. For me nothing is more exhilarating than a good tennis match even if I’m not very good. Tennis players I think are a different breed. There is a good deal of camaraderie on the court between games, especially in doubles. Yet, once the server sends the yellow ball over the net, the battle is on. For my money, tennis may be the last game where combatants who face off against each other, manage to remain civil at all times. Civility is integral to the game and it’s evident at all levels of play from the pros to club level. Players don’t scream at each other. The chair umpire is highly unlikely to be called upon to break up a fistfight between the players. That’s not to say that I would mind seeing a fight break out between say, Jimmy Connors and John McEnroe just for old time’s sake. Of course, tennis players can be a bit quirky. It’s rare for players to brag about an incredible backhand. Few players will gloat over wiping the floor with an opponent 6-0, 6-0. But there is a tendency to brag about how much your knees are killing you or the tennis elbow you’ve been playing through for eleven years. My favorite opponent, by the way is the one who starts the match by informing me he is playing with only one knee and forgot his prescription glasses, so would I please go easy on him. I like this guy because I know I can relax. I am about to get a colorful, stiff beating. The guys who are really good at this (or sadistic if you will) are the ones who let you take the first game or two, actually hitting the ball as if the object of the game was to hit the ball into the net on two bounces. Just as you begin to feel sorry for him, he suddenly starts hitting miraculous passing shots. By the time you adjust, the match is over and he’s having a cigarette. It’s common too for players to prescribe remedies for various ailments. Over the years I’ve learned that a shot of cortisone is a complete and total cure for tennis elbow. On the other hand I’ve also learned that cortisone is useless and may cause me to see three balls coming at me instead of the usual two I see after hydrating with Jack Daniels instead of water. And don’t get into a discussion about the wonders of Aleve with anybody. You can spot the players who have crossed over from tennis enthusiast to a warped, obsessive compulsive tennis disorder by the way the OCD player talks about Aleve as a dietary supplement. One thing that is different about tennis players versus golfers is I have never met a tennis player who secretly thinks he could be on the professional tour. Some golfers will suggest that if they had more time to hone their game, they could be on the tour, at least the senior tour. Tennis players don’t suffer such delusions about their game. For one thing most players peak before they reach 25. For another, when you’re playing mixed doubles and a 50 something woman who just took the game up three weeks ago cleans your clock, perspective dawns easily. If you’ve never picked up a tennis racquet, I encourage you to do so. You can’t beat the exercise and you cannot help but meet interesting, kind and encouraging people who want nothing more than to ace you on their next serve. Copyright 2012, Len Serafino. All rights reserved.

Correcting Faulty Assumptions about Older Workers

My friend Tom sent me a link to a blog post bemoaning the fact that people over the age of 50 looking for work will face discrimination. Never mind it’s illegal. It happens. According to the blog post, younger hiring managers have several pre-conceived notions about older workers. One is we will want higher salaries. Another is we’re low energy. Still a third assumption is we’re not up to date on the latest technologies. Are they right? When it comes to salary requirements, they’re probably right. Older workers do have an established standard of living and hard won experience tends to justify a higher salary. The other assumptions though are troublesome. Exactly how does a prospective 50 or 60 something year old person demonstrate that they have high energy? And while talking about technology is fairly easy to do, tech talk alone probably won’t convince a hiring manager that we really get it; that is understand how technology is being used in today’s marketplace. Except maybe for the obvious part, which is the destruction of jobs and even entire industries, older workers may miss the finer points of social media’s advantages. In my opinion job seekers over 50 must take dramatic action if they want to be taken seriously by prospective employers. Throw caution to the wind. Be the bold risk taker. I’ll tell you this much, words alone aren’t going to persuade a 35 year old interviewer that you are a wireless, tireless, 24/7 wild-eyed workaholic. You want to get that job? My advice is to use the very technology they doubt you’re familiar with to make a lasting and positive impression that gets you hired. First, be sure to set up a Skype interview. What better way to let your interviewer know you not only have an I-Pad but you can do more than turn it on and play games? Note: Your costume for the interview is critical to making the point that you are bursting with energy. May I suggest gym shorts, muscle t-shirt, Nike sneakers and a sweatband? I want your hair tousled, sweat stains under your arms and perspiration on your face. Two cell phones should be placed strategically nearby in full view. If there is any chance either phone might go off, make sure the ring tone is Maroon 5 and not the Jackson 5. Finally, make sure your tennis racquet is nearby and a Bow-flex is clearly visible behind you. You’re an animal, got it? Your script: “Good morning, (glance at your power watch, its face the size of a Moon Pie) I’m Chris. Thanks for your time so early this morning. I’m 60 years old. No doubt you can see that in the wrinkles on my face and the gray in my thinning hair. (Move camera in for a close-up) My apologies for my appearance but I just got off the tennis court. I’m not one to brag, but it really felt special beating young Raphael in straight sets this morning. I assume you have the resume I emailed you. Based on my background and experience and the 749 recommendations on my Linkedin profile, I think it’s fair to say I’m fully qualified for the job. Excuse me for a moment please. I just remembered I need to tweet something real quick while I do 25 one-handed pushups. (Do the pushups counting them off) May I speak frankly? I think my only chance today is to clear up any age related misconceptions you may have. As you can see I’m physically active. I’m also constantly challenging myself intellectually. I just started taking Tango lessons, Argentine of course, and next week I will complete an advanced course in Chinese. You’re obviously a good deal younger than I am. Some managers struggle with that but I hope you won’t. I don’t want your job. Listen: Our age difference is a good thing for exactly the same reasons it’s a good thing when a 40 year old hires someone 25. Their needs are different. You’re 35 and I’m 60. You want to reach the top of the corporate world. I now want the same thing I did when I was 25; to be taken seriously. Now, honestly, do you feel my age is a concern?” My script may not land you the job of your dreams, but if you work out enough so you can actually do those one-handed pushups, surely good things will happen. Copyright 2012, Len Serafino. All rights reserved.

Bostonian Flexaire $19.95

My favorite ad was one by Continental Airlines that boasted, “You can buy your ticket on the plane.” Fifty years ago this month Time Magazine ran that ad. A lot can change in 50 years. You can hardly buy a Coke on the plane today without three forms of identification. In 1962 you could buy a Botany 500 suit for $69.50 and dress it up with Bostonian Flexaire shoes for just $19.95. Botany 500, originally a Philadelphia based firm doesn’t appear to exist anymore but you can still buy Bostonian shoes for about 10 times the 1962 price. Leafing through several issues of Time Magazine dating back to 1962 is an interesting exercise. I heartily recommend it to those old enough to remember the year 1962, and those too young to believe that there ever was an actual year 1962. In historic terms 50 years isn’t very long. The magazine itself only goes back 88 years to 1923. There are several things you can’t miss even with only a cursory look at the magazine. The pages weren’t glossy, there was very little color photography and to say women and minorities were under represented is a gross understatement. One of the ads I loved, placed by Goodyear Tires, typifies the way we were back then. They introduced the “Captive-air Double Eagle by pointing out that a Double Eagle won’t go flat. It “carries the load for up to 100 miles until you or your wife can conveniently stop for service.” I guess back then women weren’t expected to be customers for tires. The ads then were directed mostly at men. Just a couple of years later Goodyear dipped a cautious toe into the women’s market in a backhanded way, running ads that showed a woman trying to change a tire herself but the ad was directed at man’s responsibility to keep his wife out of such predicaments. One ad that startled me was one placed by the Blue Cross Association which pointed out that Blue Cross paid out over $1.3 billion dollars in benefits in 1961. This was before Medicare and Medicaid of course. In those days Blue Cross all but owned the health insurance market. So that number probably was a reasonably good indicator of what the nation was spending on health care back then. Even if it was double that amount including out of pocket expenses, it was a pittance compared to recent years. In 2010 we spent $2.6 trillion! While our population hasn’t quite doubled in the last 50 years our healthcare expenditures are nothing less than breathtaking. One thing some advertisers did back then was include prices in their ads, something you rarely see now. Kings Men after shave went for a buck a bottle. A Ronson Big Daddy electric shaver (which “ate beards for breakfast”) could be had for just $29.50 A Zenith Piedmont, transistorized, space command, remote control TV was advertised at $575. Unlike healthcare by the way, you can buy a Zenith 50” Class 720P Plasma HDTV for $499 today. Somehow inflation got knocked completely out of the box when it came to TVs. If healthcare services were like televisions, healthcare would cost less now than it did in 1961. And x-rays would be available on wide color screens in high definition. Some of the captions that appeared in news stories would be anathema today. Oscar Brown, Jr. singer-song writer was described as a “hip negro folk poet. for example. Then there was a picture of First Lady, Jacqueline Kennedy watching a mongoose fight a cobra. The caption: “A treat for an animal lover?” And of course there were some questionable claims like Florsheim Shoes. Their ad claimed, “Florsheim introduces the square toe and again changes the shape of the nation.” And you thought the social upheaval of the Sixties was responsible for a changing nation. Western Union placed a full page ad that simply said, “To be sure to get action, send a telegram.” Imagine what the Madman who wrote that line would do with a Tweet. Looking back at the way news and advertisements were presented in the past can be a very enjoyable experience. If you were alive during the period you’re studying, it gives you a fresh perspective and can even confirm events you think you remember but wouldn’t bet on. It can also clarify and even correct some ideas you have about why the world is shaped the way it is today. If nothing else, it can make you wish you could take advantage of those Bostonians for $19.95. Copyright 2012, Len Serafino. All rights reserved.

Everybody Knows Everything Now

The other day my friend Richard said, “We now live in a world where everybody knows everything. It’s not what you know that matters anymore. It’s what you do with what you know.” Richard’s comment succinctly points out that anyone with access to a Web browser can know almost anything they would like to know in a flash. It’s changing the way we teach and the way we communicate.
Yesterday I met a pediatrician who’s been teaching medical students in a nearby medical school for ten years. I asked him, “What’s changed since you started teaching?” He told me the biggest change is that they are teaching students a good deal more about how to find the information they’re looking for from reliable sources rather than relying on memorization. He said, “It’s pretty easy to find how to treat a disease state but what we worry about is a doctor’s ability to determine which disease to look for.” He added, “Doctors need to learn how to observe patients, talk to them and above all, listen.” Apparently those skills are still not emphasized in medical school. Finally, he said, “Memorizing certain things is still important but it isn’t as critical as it once was.”
I for one am practically overwhelmed by the reality of having so much information at our fingertips. As a writer I’m delighted to have such easy access to so many sources of information. Then again, there aren’t many good defenses for getting the facts wrong anymore. And precious few excuses for postponing my writing when research is such a snap.
On a visit to the local library recently, browsing in the reference section, I came across the Reader’s Guide to Periodical Literature. Most of you will recall that the Guide provides an index of articles from selected popular periodicals published in the 20th and 21st centuries. In ancient times, before the World Wide Web, we used the Guide to find information we were looking for when we had term papers to write. No doubt some of you recall writing down the desired article references on small pieces of white note paper so you could search through heavy, bound editions of magazines or; if you were unlucky, be required to work your way through endless reels of microfilm. All this just so you could find the three sentences you needed to support your rebellious contention that Matthew Arnold’s Dover Beach had nothing to do with religion. If you haven’t visited the reference section of your local library recently you might be surprised by the changes you encounter. For starters, you won’t need any tiny white slips of paper.
The Guide is still available of course, on line now. And, instead of simply providing a list of various topics, the magazine’s name, edition and page numbers, you can now click your way right to the article you need to prove your brother-in-law is an idiot. To make it even easier to get at what you are searching for, our local library (and perhaps yours?) doesn’t even order a hard copy of the Reader’s Guide to Periodical Literature anymore. In fact they buy Gale Publishing products and make them available on line from home to anyone with a library card.
While pointing and clicking certainly saves us a lot of time, I do wonder if speed itself robs us of needed time to reflect on the information we’ve gathered. Over the years I have learned the hard way that as it is with driving well over the speed limit, speed in communication can have deleterious results. There was a certain value I think in the labor involved in research. Limited time and tired eyes often forced us to return to the library a few times to get what we needed. We had time to reflect and consider what message we wanted to send. Celebrities are plagued in my opinion, by live microphones, texts and tweets. A thoughtless comment is nearly impossible to catch up to, let alone fix. Ozzie Guillen, the manager of the Miami Marlins is struggling with that problem right now. He isn’t the first and he won’t be the last.
I love having information easily at my fingertips. Yet, I pray that what’s on the tip of my tongue doesn’t make me long for the days when knowledge played hard to get. As Richard said, it’s what we do with what we know that matters.

Copyright 2012, Len Serafino All rights reserved.

Goodbye Youth

My friend Ann sent me an email the other day describing her sister Patricia’s application for Social Security. I think Patricia’s words on the subject of reaching this milestone, one that few of us ever thought would actually arrive, captured the essence of the baby boom generation. When she completed her on line application she hit the send button and said, “Goodbye youth."
Yes it’s a funny line, certainly uttered tongue-in-check. The reason I’m sure Pat’s words were said tongue-in-cheek is that no respectable boomer is prepared to acknowledge old-age and we probably never will. Never mind that Social Security was specifically designed to assist the elderly in their later years. Remember that Social Security may also be described by the acronym OASDI, as in Old-Age, Survivors, and Disability Insurance, a term younger people and more than a few baby boomers are probably not familiar with. Not that baby boomers would actually cotton to the alternative definition.
Baby boomers invented the youth culture. We’ve been pushing back the boundaries of age for many years now. Many of our contemporaries are as active as they were in their 30s. Some are probably more active, still brimming with ideas, hopes and dreams. Believe me a simple matter like a monthly check from the Federal Government is hardly enough to make us feel old! Did you know there are now 13 million people under the age of 65 receiving Social Security thanks to the program’s disability provision? Obviously eligibility for Social Security alone isn’t a useful guideline to determine old age.
I don’t know very many boomers who act like senior citizens. As it turns out there is a great deal of truth in the saying, “You are only as old as you feel.” The Pew Research Center surveyed 3,000 people between the ages of 18 and well over 65 to get their views on old age. On average people suggested old age begins at 68. But if you ask people who are 65 and older they will tell you old age begins at 74. The survey also found that only 35% of respondents 75 and older said they felt old.
One of my friends, 63, is spending countless hours trying to land an executive level position in a high tech industry. The obstacles are many but after a full year of searching he soldiers on. Don’t bet against him. He doesn’t see his age in a youth oriented business as a barrier. Why should he? He considers himself youthful.
Another guy, over 70 recently spent a hefty sum for a top of the line electronic Lowrey organ. He takes lessons and occasionally performs. Frank would no more sit on the front porch watching life go by than any hip 40 year old.
I know a 60 year old woman who works long hours managing a medical practice and still has the energy to go ballroom dancing three or four nights a week. I play tennis several times a week and the vast majority of my playing partners are also in their sixties.
I know still others who volunteer their time, like my friend Bob who drives chemotherapy patients to and from their treatment sessions.
Too soon old, too late smart is a proverb, reportedly Dutch, which many people of a certain age fully appreciate. In the case of baby boomers, and perhaps generations to come, some of the sting may be taken out of the old saying. We do have a lot more energy in our later years than our ancestors did and we have many, many more opportunities to do useful, important and even smart things. More than ever the world needs wisdom and willingness to set right what has gone wrong. The fabled ‘60s were an exciting time. How grand would it be to come full circle and make this time our generation’s finest hour? And we’ll know we are groovin’ when someone coins the phrase, “Don’t trust anybody over 80.”

Copyright Len Serafino, 2012. All rights reserved.

Need Extra Cash? Sell Naming Rights

When professional sports teams started offering naming rights as a new profit center or a way to defray the cost of building a new stadium or arena, I thought it was an annoying practice. I was very much afraid that my beloved Yankee Stadium might one day be called Pizza Hut Yankee Stadium or Trump Yankee Stadium. Surely the House that Ruth Built deserves better. The sad fact is that companies don’t always have fetching names, suitable for adorning the arena of your favorite sports team. Take the University of Louisville. A couple of years ago they opened a new basketball arena with the name KFC Yum Center for a moniker. Say it: “I’m going to the Yum center tonight.” It could have been worse. When the Houston Astros opened their park in 2000, the stadium was named Enron Field. It’s Minute Maid Park now. Better for sure but again, I’m very happy that Minute Maid Park is an Astros thing and not a prefix to Yankee Stadium. At least the Coca-Cola Company, which owns Minute Maid, didn’t insist on calling the stadium Minute Maid Grove.
And naming rights aren’t limited to professional sports. High schools are doing it too. Consider the Tennessee Credit Union Academy of Business and Finance, Antioch High School in Nashville (long enough for you?) or the Poland Springs Arena at Toms River High School, North in New Jersey. Shouldn’t a high school in Maine have snapped that one up first?
This is really just the tip of the iceberg. Did you know that respected universities are offering people the opportunity to sponsor bathrooms and even bathroom stalls? Yes, according to a Time magazine article this week, the University of Pennsylvania has a bathroom lined with plaques noting, “This relief you are experiencing is made possible by a gift from Michael Zinman.”
I have no idea why Mr. Zinman would want this type of recognition but I find it even more curious that universities would stoop so low. This country went through the great depression in the 1930s without resorting to bathroom stall naming rights. I wonder how long it would have taken back then for a university board of trustees to dismiss a university president for suggesting such an outrageous idea. An hour I’ll bet.
Regardless, it won’t be long now before the floodgates are open. Everything we see and touch will come with naming rights, individualized too, like urinals. Here are my predictions for future naming rights deals. Remember you heard it first here.
Federal Government buildings. With the deficit crisis seemingly unsolvable, naming rights seems like a natural solution. Picture the Statue of Liberty with a Nilla Wafer instead of a torch. Of course the wafer would light up at night for all to see. Imagine if you will what the Ford Motor company could do with the Lincoln Memorial. Of course they’ll have to get rights secured before Lincoln National Life Insurance gets wind of the opportunity. And then there’s our United States Capitol, home of our Congress. The very thought of the largest lobbying firms bidding for the naming rights to that plum is thrilling. We could cut the deficit in half.
The U.S. Postal Service, another financially troubled agency is certainly a fantastic naming rights opportunity. Think NASCAR without the speed. Postal workers will one day wear uniforms adorned with ads for fried chicken, cereal, and software just to name a few. And postal delivery trucks are another potential boon to advertisers. Considering the steady drop in snail mail, the trucks will soon be smaller. New vehicle designs will be smaller mimicking race cars we see whipping around Talladega, Pocono and Darlington; loaded with ads for everything from M&Ms to GoDaddy.com.
On a more personal level, individuals should be able to get in on the act too. This is America right? Some people already put ads on their cars but once we get more comfortable with the concept and advertisers get even more aggressive than they are now, we are looking at a cradle to grave opportunity. How about offering naming rights for your baby? “Big Mac Jonathan Smolinski” has a ring to it for example. And, when our lives are over, there is plenty of space on our caskets. Imagine being able to defray the cost of your funeral by selling naming rights to your coffin. Don’t expect too much though. People will only view it for a day or two. “Say it with flowers” might be a good choice.

Copyright 2012, Len Serafino. All rights reserved.