if i die

I recall a Mad Magazine cartoon where an old man on his death bed says to his friend of many years, “Come closer” He’s obviously about to utter his last words. The friend leans in. “Closer,” says the old man. Then, touching his friend’s arm with his forefinger, he says, “Last tap.” He dies with a satisfied smile on his face.

It is the ultimate squelch isn’t it? The problem is there is no way we can possibly be sure we can get life’s last tap. That is, until now.

            Thanks to the Web and its great gift to mankind, social media, we can now have life after life. Yes, services like Deadsoci.al, Liveson.org and Facebook’s “if i die,” make it possible for us to leave messages for friends, loved ones and even enemies.

            Consider the possibilities! Had the Internet been ubiquitous just 30 years ago, we could still be receiving messages from Richard Nixon. The idea of sending messages post mortem isn’t new, of course. Wills and letters to loved ones, drafted in the waning days of life, probably go back to pre-historic times when cavemen painted images on rocks. Even video messages go way back, all the way back to the 1980s when everyone grappled with their VCRs.

Still, how many people can you reach on mere paper documents? Really, how many letters can you write? The cost of postage alone is murder. Well, my friends we are no longer chained to any such limitations. Like the all you can eat buffet at the Golden Corral, you can offer a full plate of wisdom long after you’ve entered the next world. Those of us still earthbound can enjoy every morsel.

When three cyberspace executors of your choosing have verified your passing, your thoughts can be posted, just like before your demise. The difference is you don’t have to deal with smart aleck responses. You can even set up a delivery schedule for your tweets, texts and posts. It’s a new kind of immortality. Imagine sending your spouse, your adult children or maybe your old boss emails for months or even years after you die!

            “Honey, you’re always late filing our income taxes. April 15^th is right around the corner. Don’t wait to the last minute again. Get off your rear end and take care of it.” Your loved one will appreciate the reminder.

            Have you been busting with a secret? After you’ve been laid to rest, you can finally tell all. People love being let in on secrets, even dead people’s secrets. Imagine if you will a deathbed YouTube video to be sent to your siblings after you’re laid to rest.

“Hi Joe. Hi Mary.” (Long coughing spell)

“Remember when Mom died and we cleaned her house? Well, I want you to know I found twenty thousand dollars stashed in one of her suitcases.

“You guys were so busy arguing over those stupid Disney World souvenir spoons, I had no trouble sticking the suitcase in the trunk of my Mercedes. That vacation Melody and I took to the South Pacific? Mom’s little stash paid for that trip. We must have toasted you two from the promenade deck a thousand times. Wow! Feels good to get it off my chest! By the way Mary, I’m leaving you my share of those Disney spoons.”

These afterlife services aren’t the least bit shy or reserved about suggesting the possible uses of their cyberspace services. One site even goads you into settling old scores, using a graphic of the middle finger to emphasize the point. A capital idea, no? Shouldn’t we all strive for revenge as a final legacy without the opportunity to make amends? Last tap indeed.

Most of us believe in the afterlife. According to one poll, 82% of Americans believe in life after death. But most of us don’t really believe in death, at least not our own. The people at Facebook understand this. They could have called their service “when I die.” Instead they chose “if I die.”  We treat our own demise as a conditional thing, something that might happen; as if the laws of nature don’t apply to us.
Still, all the evidence suggests that everyone eventually will exit planet earth. Question is, where are those messages Deadsoci.al will send for us really going to come from? My advice? Play it safe. Be nice…even after you’re gone.    

We Didn't Start the Fire but we did add fuel

           Yelp Pandora, Spotify, someone help me clarify.

           Pinterest, Foursquare, please end this nightmare.

            If you’re over a certain age say 60, there is an excellent chance you’ve never heard of the Internet applications I just referenced. If you have, by some chance, heard of them you are probably only vaguely aware of their purposes. I heard a speech Saturday about the circle of life and how the time comes when you are no longer standing center stage in your personal world. The spotlight is moving (as it should) to your children, younger co-workers, even grandchildren.

            In generations past it was harder perhaps, to detect the signs that the universe’s stage manager was trying, gently at first, to help that generation’s elders to exit stage left gracefully. The signs weren’t as obvious then as they are now. Change happened at a relative snail’s pace. And St Peter’s admonition “likewise ye younger submit yourselves to the elder,” was still taken seriously.   

            Today, thanks in large part to the Internet and mobile applications, change happens so quickly that we are in a constant race to keep up, keep abreast and for some, stay ahead of the curve. When we are young the race is exhilarating. We are bursting with energy, we are eager to learn, have ideas to churn, we’re ready to earn. Mistakes? No fear. We have time to burn.

            But time and the relentless torrent of alternating fortune and reversal wear on us. Don’t misunderstand; it isn’t that our knees squawk every time we stand up. That our eyes struggle to see the not so fine print, that the volume knob on our car radio is shocked by the setting we now demand. No, these are not the signs that whisper, “The spotlight now belongs to the younger ones.” We have more energy than you might imagine. There is plenty of curiosity too, cat be damned.

            What’s different then? I believe it’s the chilling realization that hits us at a certain age; the sense that time really is very precious. I have noticed this with good friends. I hear a lot of wistful comments, tinged with a mixture of regret and a grudging sign of acceptance. It’s a well worn path, gingerly trod by the aging who took the journey before us.

Young people have voracious appetites for the new and different.  Older people wake up one day and realize they must choose.

Do we stay tuned to the endless loop of the latest and the greatest; the Bachelor’s pick, the next American Idol, the latest must have app for our iPhone 5? What’s happening in North Korea, Iran, and Pakistan? Are you keeping up with global warming, the economy and the fiscal cliff? We aren’t weary in the physical sense, not yet. But now, the time seems right to narrow down our interests to subjects –and tasks useful to us and those around us.  

Communication technology is changing the world in fundamental ways in the same manner that industrialization changed the world. The changes are happening much faster this time.

When Billy Joel sang “We didn’t start the fire” listing 100 headlines between 1949 and 1989, it was perhaps, a prescient message. Yet, I wonder how many people born in 1989, could identify the people or events Mr. Joel referenced in his song. For that matter have they ever even heard the song? How many know who Billy Joel is? The good news is of course, anyone who wants to grasp the references can simply Google them.

Funny thing is Billy could write an updated version beginning in 1989. His song could easily run twice as long. In case he’s interested, I‘ve given him a head start.

Yelp Pandora, Spotify, someone help me clarify.

            Pinterest, Foursquare please end this nightmare.

 

The fire is just starting. 

It's Valentine's Day; Go for it!

Valentine’s Day is a perfect “holiday” for the middle of February. We can barely remember the Christmas Holidays and it’s too soon for winter to be really over. Romance is simply a great way to stay warm. Although you can choose to bury your feelings at any time, happily, you’re never too old to be romantic.

If you’re fortunate enough to be involved in a relationship, whether it’s budding like the spring roses we’re dreaming about or, mature like the fully flowering, tall magnolia trees we have in the South, celebrate Valentine’s Day with your partner. Yes, we’ve had to compromise, cajole, and capitulate from time to time. As have our partners. Today is a day to put all that aside.  

Valentine’s Day is the perfect moment to rewind the tape. Do you remember the moment you knew this person was different from all the others, so special you could barely catch your breath? “You fly down a street on the chance that you meet, and you meet -- not really by chance.”

Recall the moment when you realized your feelings were mutual. No words, no song, no kaleidoscope filled with glorious colors can match that feeling. Yes, and there was the excitement and the worry about meeting your partner’s friends. What if they said you weren’t good enough? Then you met your partner’s family with bone chilling fear, praying they wouldn’t vote you off the island, to use today’s idiom.  

Think back to the day you asked for her hand in marriage. Or, you waited by the window, hoping to see him coming up the walk with a tiny box in his hand that simply had to be the ring, the thing that would seal the deal. You looked deeply into each other's eyes that day, nervously searching for signs of doubt, yet confident that your heart, filled with love, would overcome all. This is the one. There will never be someone better.  

Ah, the wedding, the sacred ceremony, the promises…to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death do us part. And the celebration afterwards; Oh what a night! Champagne toasts, an embroidered lace wedding cake, and rice for good luck and abundance. Now, when was the last time you looked at the photos you so patiently posed for, gowned and tuxedoed? Never mind you aren’t so young anymore. Never mind you misplaced them; never mind you feel silly. It’s Valentine’s Day. Do it.

In the early years, celebrating Valentine’s Day was fun. You enjoyed each other’s company, you were building something together; starting a family (how many families got started on February 14^th, I wonder?) Dinner dates, boxes of candy, flowers, a snazzy necktie and always, an extravagant card to remind you of the magic you felt whenever your partner came into view.

Time passes and the years fly by. Kids grow up; you cherish victories together and yes, bear defeats, unimaginable when you were young. You worry about your health, money, careers that end before they’re over. Sadly, some of us turn inward rather than facing the oncoming storms together. Worse, you forget there are joys yet to unfold.

What kept you together all these years? Look closely and it isn’t hard to see the roots, deep, strong, entwined and seemingly unbreakable. Valentine’s Day may not cure what ails us. But, if you woke up this morning with someone who rocked your world once upon a time, maybe it’s time to wake up and make the most of every moment you have together. Maybe you haven’t exchanged a Valentine’s Day card for years, having convinced yourself, and each other, that it isn’t worth the time or expense. That it’s nothing more than a marketers hustle. Did you think that way on your first Valentine’s Day together?

Whether you’re in May or the September of your years, realize that time has a way of slipping by. As the song says, when the autumn weather turns the leaves to flame, you haven’t got time for the waiting game. It’s Valentine’s Day. Celebrate the day together. Say I love you to the one who matters most. And if per chance you’re alone this year, revel in a sweet memory. While you’re at it though, do keep your eyes open for the chance that you meet…a new valentine of your own.

 

  

 

65 Special

When I worked for Independence Blue Cross in Philadelphia we offered a supplemental insurance program for people covered by Medicare called “65 Special.” If that sounds like marketing right out of the 1980s playbook, you are correct except for the fact that they still offer something called Personal Choice 65 Pro.  Some things really don’t change.

            I was 32 when I went to work for Independence Blue Cross. I’m certain I never gave a thought to being 65 or whether being 65 deserved to be called special. However, as will happen to those of us who keep breathing, I will turn 65 this month.

Since I live in Tennessee now, I’m not eligible for “65 Special” supplemental coverage, but don’t feel sorry for me. Apparently, I’m more than special, I’m a member of  an exclusive club! My Blue Cross medi-gap coverage is called…Blue-Elite. Apparently the marketing staff at the Chattanooga based Blue Cross plan is more hip than the marketing team at my alma mater plan.

When I was 25 years old and had a full 40 years to go before I reached this milestone, I recall seeing a personnel file (that’s what they called them then) with my name that said, retirement date January 2013. It seemed so far off that I couldn’t even imagine such a thing happening. Remember this was 1973. The 20^th century was still in the third Quarter so to speak. It still had another 27 years to go. 

We designate certain birthdays as special. Most of them end in zero, a strange custom, no? Those of us who’ve appreciated six decades of living, have endured the over the hill cards at 40, the black balloons when we turned 50 and a Tee shirt or ball cap that says “Older than dirt” or worse, when we hit 60.

The exceptions to the zero birthday tyranny: the year we are eligible for a driver’s license and the magical 21, when we can legally order a drink and be served. For the record, on my 21^st birthday my father took me to a local restaurant where we ate dinner at the bar. My first legal drink? A grasshopper. Don’t ask, still haven’t lived that one down.

Should turning 65 also be a special birthday? One way it’s special: You’re eligible for Medicare. Obviously that won’t generate the kind of excitement that being eligible to drive brings. Still, of the 3,637,000 baby boomers born in the USA in 1948, about two million of us are still here to celebrate. Think of your Medicare card as a special birthday greeting from Uncle Sam. I’ll bet some of you 1948ers remember the last greeting you got from him; your draft notice.

Another good thing about being 65 is the forgiveness factor. It goes up by a factor of ten. When you forget to pick up milk at the store, can’t find the word you’re searching vainly for or can’t recall the name of the actor who played Jake Gittes in the film, Chinatown, you say to no one in particular, “I’m getting old.” You’ve been saying that for at least five years. The difference is people don’t jump to disagree with you anymore. They just smile. Permit me to make a suggestion. Never utter those words again! No good can come from telling yourself that. Listen: The Mayan calendar thing was bogus but the power of suggestion is very real.

If you’re turning 65 this year by all means revel in the specialness of the moment. While a few may argue that 65 is the starting point of old age, they are wrong. A Pew Research Center survey conducted a few years ago found that most people now believe old age starts at 68.  If Congress ever gets around to modifying Social Security and Medicare, maybe 68 will become a special birthday. Would BlueCross BlueShield come out with a 68 Special?

             

Critical Thinking

The election is over. Members of Congress have been sworn in. We will inaugurate our President next week. Let the games begin anew. But what I want more than anything from the 113^th Congress is some critical thinking. There’s been precious little of it for the last several years. It’s all about hard and fast positions and win-lose strategies. Enough! But we too, as good citizens, must do more critical thinking.

Dictionary.com defines critical thinking as disciplined thinking that is clear, rational, open-minded, and informed by evidence. One of the great paradoxes of our time seems to be that in an era where we have access to more information than ever before, it may be harder than ever to think critically.

For starters, being disciplined today is no easy task. We have way too many distractions literally at our fingertips. And we’re surrounded by media in more places than ever. Who can think, even in a doctor’s office waiting room with the TV on? I tell you when it comes to a choice between meaningful contemplation and a Seinfeld rerun, well you know Kramer wins every time.

Disciplined thinking requires quiet time to allow us to organize our thoughts, test them and reflect on matters important to us. These days your best shot at achieving a moment of quiet reflection occurs when you put your head down on the pillow. Of course, that’s only because technology doesn’t exist yet to run ads on the inside of your eyelids. Nevertheless, if we want to change our lives for the better we have no choice. We have to make time for thinking.

Having an open mind is essential. Critical thinking demands that we entertain alternatives to our own point of view no matter how uncomfortable it might make us. Gun control is a hot topic right now. And it’s an emotional topic, understandably driven by the horrific tragedy in Newtown, Connecticut.  Today I participated in a more or less friendly email debate with good friends on the topic. One of the guys asked us to read a letter we could then sign electronically supporting gun owner rights. The poor guy never had a chance. The letter’s point was that there are enough gun laws. Law enforcement agencies should simply enforce the laws on the books. No need to change a thing, obviously a tough sell in the current environment. His position was summarily dismissed.

People who chose to respond to his request were firmly in favor of a ban on assault weapons and gun registration. No doubt many of you have had similar conversations. I’m sure some of you have firm beliefs about what if anything should be done about guns and the violence associated with them. If you’ve listened to representatives of the NRA talk about the problem they seem to think more guns are the solution. Then there are those who will not be satisfied until assault weapons and handguns are illegal.

There are valid points on both sides of the issue. Other countries like Great Britain don’t have so many guns and not as many gun deaths. Mental illness is certainly a factor in the mass shootings we’ve endured over the years. Whichever side of this or any debate you’re on, unless you’re prepared to listen actively to the other guy’s point of view without pre-judging; you can’t think critically about the problem or formulate a reasonable solution.

Evidence is the other linchpin of critical thinking. In a media rich environment though, evidence, unbiased, fact based knowledge, is harder to find than diamonds in a coal bin. Finding a report or study that supports your opinion, your financial interest or your political cause is shamefully easy. Spin is the coin of the realm. That’s not to say that good, solid information isn’t available. However, determining what is a fair assessment of an issue and what isn’t, requires time and effort and well, critical thinking.   

Although it’s not listed in the definition provided, it’s hard to think critically without self awareness; the ability to perceive aspects of our personality, behavior, emotions, motivations, and thought process. Think about the last time you admitted you were wrong about something that mattered to you. It takes courage, it’s painful but it’s worth it.

            Critical thinking usually leads to better decisions. We wait patiently for members of Congress and the Executive branch to make good decisions. What about us? It’s a new year. Maybe if we make better decisions at work, at home and in the voting booth, the people we elect will make better decisions too.  

The Endorsement Game

Linkedin, the very popular social networking sight for business, recently added a feature that gave me great cause for concern until I finally figured out the new feature’s purpose. If you are a regular visitor to Linkedin, by now you know you can endorse connections for skills and expertise they claim to have. For example, I claim to have writing related skills. The way endorsing works is through a popup with four boxes. Each one has a picture of one of your connections.

In each box you are asked a question about a skill your connection claims to possess. If Mitt Romney was one of your connections you might be asked, “Does Mitt Romney know politics?” You have the option of endorsing Mitt or ignoring the question. Once you decide whether to endorse one or more of the people in the boxes, you can click for more and get fresh faces to endorse or instead, ignore because you don’t think they have the skills they say they do or you simply don’t like them that day.

It’s probably related to my background in healthcare sales and my nodding acquaintance with marketing, but I am asked one question constantly. Does (let’s call him) Angelo know marketing? I am completely flummoxed by this question and others like it. Does the question really mean has Angelo ever heard of marketing? I know. Really, I get it that the question wouldn’t appear with Angelo’s name if he didn’t claim to know marketing. But for the sake of argument let’s pretend that Angelo’s job is a customer service representative at a small, family owned homecare provider in say, Dodge City, Kansas.

Now suppose that Marc Pritchard, the global marketing and brand-building officer at Procter and Gamble, whom I’ve never actually met, was also a Linkedin connection. What would I do if I’m asked if Marc knows marketing? If I endorse both connections what does my endorsement say?  I mean if they both “know marketing” I suspect someone is being grossly underpaid and it isn’t Marc. There isn’t an ounce of nuance in my endorsement. It’s either yes, or ignore. And truth be told, I hate to ignore people who may need encouragement or validation.

I wonder if perhaps it’s the word “know” that is giving me a headache. It’s not like this is just a Nike commercial where Bo knows…well, everything. We’re giving references here. Maybe it should be a multiple choice question. Three choices would be ideal I think.

1.      Angelo can’t even spell marketing.

2.      I’m sure he’s heard the term.

3.      Yeah, I’ll vouch for him.

 

Of course, only option number three would be helpful to my connection. Options 1 and 2 might reduce my number of connections but I’ll take my chances. I still have the option to ignore the question.    

There is another question that comes up frequently given my background. “Does Mallory Valley know healthcare?”  Listen: We’re talking about one of the most complicated and debated subjects in our society today. Does anyone actually “know” something as broad as healthcare? Are we talking about health care financing? Is it the delivery of health care services? Am I being asked if Mallory knows a sub-specialty like neo-natal intensive care just to name one? Or, is the question really simple as in does Mallory take good care of herself? 

When I first started endorsing people I took the responsibility seriously. After all, my endorsement reflects on my business judgment and acumen. If I endorsed you it meant that I had sufficient experience to support my endorsement.

All of that changed for me early one morning when it occurred to me that the nice people at Linkedin probably meant to create an on-line board game to keep us on their site longer and get us to add more connections. But what would be the object of the game? Do you win if you provide the most endorsements? Conversely, might they track the number of opportunities to endorse that you ignored? My guess is the object of the game is to receive as many endorsements in as many categories as you can. Hint: The more you endorse the more people feel obligated to endorse you. So get busy.

In case Linkedin hasn’t actually considered the huge potential of the endorsement game, here is a way for you to keep track of your score until they do. Give yourself two points for every connection that endorses you. Add an additional point every time the same connection endorses you again in another category. I think the winner of the game should be automatically inducted into Mensa.   

Thanksgiving: Memories and Hope

When I was a child, Thanksgiving was indeed a day to be thankful. There was a local high school football game, Barringer vs. East Orange, at the time considered by the locals to be the oldest high school football rivalry in the nation. I also got two days off from school. That short week was a Godsend to a boy who would rather be outside playing then stuck in a classroom. The turkey and pumpkin pie were fabulous and then there was the parade, the best part of which was the last float. That float carried Santa Claus. Seeing Santa on Thanksgiving marked the unofficial opening of the Christmas season. Yes, Christmas and a Roy Rodgers two-gun set of six shooters were right around the corner.  

            It never occurred to me back then to be actually thankful for life’s blessings. I’m a baby boomer isn’t it all about me?

I was born in post war America when times were so good that even the poor had a better life to look forward to than most of the undeveloped world. Things were so good that it was possible to take what we had for granted; freedom, security, trust in our leaders.          

            And even though my parents lived paycheck to paycheck back then, I never had to worry about having a roof over my head. I never wanted for a hot meal, decent clothing or heat when the weather turned cold. As a child of course, it never crossed my mind that not even 20 years ago, men died horrific deaths on European battlefields and Pacific islands to preserve our freedoms. Men and women sacrificed years of their lives in their prime to fight a war we didn’t start but certainly finished.

As a child I never connected the dots: The turkey and pumpkin pie that sat so reliably on our kitchen table year after year were possible only because my father stood day after day, year after year, at a printing press. My mother skillfully and lovingly prepared the meal, following traditions which in turn, she passed onto us. And I add, without irony, that I was blessed to have the same mother and father at the table every year.  

None of this is to suggest that life was better back then. Certainly the traditions of Thanksgiving live on in our memories. Possibly made better than they actually were by our uniquely human ability to edit the moments that don’t fit with the Norman Rockwell images we prefer.     

The beauty of the day is that regardless of our circumstances, we have the chance to start new traditions, create future memories and above all give thanks for our countless blessings. Another thing I’m sure I never gave much thought to as a child was who we were actually thanking on Thanksgiving. There’s a lot to choose from, including parents, spouses, significant others, employers, farmers and of course, the NFL. But nothing would be possible without God. A simple prayer to the Good Lord, thanking Him for whatever we have is the entire point of the celebration. I realize some may disagree and have no wish to argue the point. What I do know is that every Presidential Thanksgiving Proclamation, beginning with George Washington’s, makes clear reference to this very fact, pointedly thanking God.

We live in a world dramatically different than the one I grew up in. When you’ve lived long enough to know that American life today barely resembles the righteous America you grew up in, it’s natural to worry. But my Thanksgiving Day prayer will be thankful and it will be hopeful. Hopeful that our nation, reeling from decades of rapid change, will rebound and be once again a place where children can afford to take freedom, security and trust for granted.          

 

Copyright 2012, Len Serafino. All rights reserved.